“Cold Cuts” Review
Grade: B+
“Revenge is like serving cold cuts.”
The Sopranos series creator David Chase has been trying to show us that Tony Soprano is a terrible person ever since the season one episode “College.” And he’s been actively trying to make us hate him since at least season four. Well, Chase finally achieves his goal in the season five episode “Cold Cuts,” which depicts Tony at his most evil.
Oddly enough, the installment doesn’t see Tony committing any heinous acts or violent crimes. Sure, he digs up a couple dead bodies on his uncle’s family farm, but we’ve seen him do far worse than that over the years. No, in “Cold Cuts” he’s just incredibly mean to everyone he meets.
But he’s not just mean; he’s absolutely malevolent. Tony is resentful beyond belief, and his treatment of his sister Janice, cousin Christopher and estranged wife Carmela reveals him to be nothing short of a monster.
In the past, an agitated and angry Tony had been the funniest version of Tony. That’s not the case in “Cold Cuts.” His “depression turned inward” causes him to lash out at anyone and everyone, and his subsequent scathing remarks lack his usual vulgar hilarity. Instead, he’s become a volatile bully, full of vitriol and hostility.
A few examples of Tony’s “highlights” this episode: smashing a pool cue in the bar, beating up the bartender so bad that he gets permanent hearing loss, mocking his cousin’s debilitating alcoholism, taunting his sister over her long-lost son, etc. All unprompted, too, I might add.
It’s all because Tony is jealous of people who can change their ways for the better. As a self-loathing sociopath, he obviously can’t bring himself to do such a thing, and so he tries his hardest to drag everyone down to his level. And he’s always been this way: Chris explains to his girlfriend Adriana that Tony used to torment him on Uncle Pat’s farm when they would spend the summers there as little kids. In the present, it’s just the same, as Chris drives back home once again with tears in his eyes from Tony’s hurtful jokes.
But what Tony does to Janice at the end of the episode is unforgivable. Annoyed that her anger management classes are yielding positive results, Tony purposely provokes her by bringing up her estranged son Harpo, who ran away when he was just a teenager. She attacks Tony with a fork and breaks down in tears. Satisfied, Tony walks home with a smile on his face.
“Cold Cuts” proves that our main character is a tyrannical Italian despot who is closer to Nero than Robert De Niro. But if you were paying attention to episodes like “Watching Too Much Television,” in which Tony whipped a half-naked assemblyman with a belt because he was dating his ex-mistress, then you probably already knew that.
The funny thing is, for as hard as it is to watch Tony’s tirades of anti-human emotion, “Cold Cuts” is a beautiful episode to look at. Director Mike Figgis (who won an Oscar for Leaving Las Vegas) brings a painterly touch to the installment, framing several scenes against warm natural backdrops. Uncle Pat’s farm is home to some of the most peaceful imagery of the entire series, replete with tranquil lakes and verdant forest and upstate orchards.
For Figgis, however, Leaving Las Vegas happened nine years earlier, and the underrated Internal Affairs was even earlier than that. His most recent film at the time of The Sopranos season five was Cold Creek Manor, which was universally panned. And for all the good that Figgis brings to the episode, some of his directorial choices are at odds with the series’ longstanding approach.
In “Cold Cuts,” the camera never seems to be in a fixed position, making extensive use of extreme close-up and quick editing, which sticks out and is somewhat bewildering after 61 episodes of consistent cinematography. And the infamous slow-motion freeze-frame sequence that ends with a wipe-cut is so puzzling — and, frankly, bad — that I can’t even comprehend the thought process behind it.
By the end of the hour, we’re repulsed by Tony’s behavior and intrigued (yet overall unaffected) by Figgis’ directing. The featured storylines carry the insignificance of an inconsequential installment, like something you’d find at the beginning of a season, but the autumnal scenery suggests otherwise. Tony’s villainy is now reality.
“Cold Cuts” isn’t a throwaway episode — there’s far too much thematic depth for that, especially in the unspoken family histories between Tony, Chris and Janice (and Tony Blundetto) — but it does carry a certain aura of unconventionality.
However, if Chase’s ultimate goal is to get us to hate The Sopranos itself, that’s impossible. No amount of guest directors and detestable protagonists can change the fact that it’s still the most stimulating show on television. This is another fine chapter in an ongoing saga of the world’s worst man.
STRAY ROUNDS
- A quick temper is in the Sopranos’ DNA. At the beginning of the episode, Janice beats up a soccer mom, which garners local media attention. However, the TV report is unrealistic and filled with dialogue that is too on-the-nose when it comes to reporting on the mafia.
- On the other hand, Janice’s subsequent anger management class is hilarious and reminds me of Chris’ intervention in “The Strong, Silent Type.” It’s been an unlikely journey, but her character has grown in likability throughout the years, and I felt deeply sorry for her at the end of the episode. A great performance from actress Aida Turturro.
- Uncle Pat’s farm is being sold and developed into real estate, and so Tony tasks Chris and Tony B to move several dead bodies that the mob has buried there. This is the second time that Chris has moved Emil Kolar’s bones, and a brilliant shot of him contemplating the skull echoes the metaphysical themes of William Shakespeare’s Hamlet.
- Chris and Tony B bond by cracking jokes about Tony S. But when the boss himself stops by the farm, the two Tonys immediately direct their witty unpleasantries at Chris and make him feel insecure and unrecognized all over again. It also confirms that Tony B is a terrible person, too. Just like all the rest of them, he’ll never change either.
- Tony becomes irate when he finds out Carmela has drained the pool (she wants Tony to pay for the maintenance). Figgis shoots the scene from below, looking up at Tony and Carmela’s argument. The way that the scene is framed, does it appear that Tony momentarily considers throwing Carmela into the empty pool? Based on the rest of the episode, it’s definitely a chilling possibility.
- Vito Spatafore is seen sitting at the Bada Bing strip club. Typical of The Sopranos that last week’s big reveal isn’t brought up. But surely Vito can’t fool everyone for long.
- The slow-motion-freeze-frame occurs after Carmela runs into Robert Wegler and tells him she’s getting back together with her husband. I guess it’s meant to show her fractured state of mind in that instant, but the effect is far too cheesy for me to get behind.
- Later in “Cold Cuts,” we see that Tony is sleeping with a nurse (who was actually featured briefly in a previous episode), implying that he’s been carrying on a discrete meaningless affair this entire time. Just another reason to hate him.
- The episode concludes with “I’m Not Like Everybody Else” by The Kinks. Another Figgis touch: the end credits don’t cut to black right away, and the camera briefly views Tony walking down the sidewalk as the music plays.
- “Cold Cuts” was directed by Mike Figgis and written by Robin Green and Mitchell Burgess.
FAMOUS LAST WORDS
- “A lot of things didn’t happen that seemed like they happened.”
- “Where’s my Barneys underpants with the ventilated cotton?”
- “I’ll get back to the writing again someday. From a position of great wealth. As for male modeling, I’d probably be a success but I wouldn’t wanna be around those f**king people.”
- “I could’ve called you Ichabod Crane! But I didn’t.”
- “I wonder what’s French-Canadian for ‘I grew up without a mother?’”
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