“Warp Speed Warriors” – DragonForce

Album: Warp Speed Warriors

Artist: DragonForce

Year: 2024

Genre: Power Metal, Speed Metal

Grade: C-

English heavy metal band DragonForce can always rest their laurels on “Through the Fire and Flames,” the renowned speedy epic of Guitar Hero III fame. Other than that, they can’t rest on shit. DragonForce’s 2024 album, Warp Speed Warriors, finds them at their cheesiest. Then again, that’s kinda the point. If you’re looking for thinking man’s metal, take one look at the Marvel Cinematic Universe-inspired album cover and then look elsewhere.

Every song contains uplifting video game melodies that are both sickening and laughable, and frontman Marc Hudson gives his best castrato impression to hit those high notes. Not surprising that in DragonForce’s virginal fantasyland, squeezing your own balls passes for sex.

As per usual, the whirlwind guitars of Sam Totman and Herman Li — which, I must give credit, are impressive despite their button-mashing methodologies — pack as many notes as possible into every single shred.

If there’s one noteworthy element to highlight, it’s the bass playing of newcomer Alicia Vigil, a real-life woman who delivers a sexy solo on “Burning Heart.” Most of the time, however, her playing is buried so far in the mix that she might not even be real.

In the end, this is power metal at its absolute most pompous. Every musician is a virtuoso, but the finished product is just musical masturbation. Nevertheless, I’ll give DragonForce a bonus point for being self-aware: the Taylor Swift cover is a nice touch, and the lyric “His atomic blaster is bigger than yours/I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” is quite funny. At least they’re not masquerading as macho. But the joke’s on us for even listening at all.

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