“F9” (2021)

F9

Grade: C+

---

F9 contains gloriously over-the-top action sequences, but it’s also overlong and underdeveloped, which is par for the course when it comes to Hollywood’s unlikeliest undying franchise. A few more notes on F9:

Directing:

Justin Lin helms his fifth installment of the Fast franchise (and his first since Fast & Furious 6), bringing his signature blend of sleek camerawork and hi-fi production values to F9. He delivers what longtime fans crave: high-speed action in increasingly exotic locales.

Acting:

You watch F9 for the action, not the acting. Vin Diesel is serviceable in his longtime role as Dom Toretto, while other long-timers like Michelle Rodriguez and Tyrese Gibson are as expressionless as ever. Meanwhile, newcomer John Cena is only there to show off his muscles. As usual, the cars are the stars. After nine films, however, even the cars are tired. That’s why they need to be tricked out with rocket boosters and super-magnets. After 20 years, it’s getting harder and harder to keep our attention.

Writing:

F9 fully abandons all logic, reason and laws of physics. The Fast crew have basically become invincible superheroes who can bend vehicles to their every whim (e.g., flying into outer space). And even though the film acknowledges its own ridiculousness, the humor falls flat. What initially began as a franchise about underground street racing in Los Angeles has evolved into a needlessly complicated combination of James Bond, Mission: Impossible and the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Music:

F9 stays contemporary with half-assed featured songs by the likes of Kevin Gates, Lil Durk and Ty Dolla $ign. Elsewhere, a mediocre orchestral score by Brian Tyler is drowned away amidst sounds of explosions, screeching tires and failed punchlines.

Ending (SPOILERS):

The final chase scene takes place in Tbilisi, Georgia (because why the hell not?) and features enough spectacle to make Michael Bay proud. It’s thrilling, sure, but the super-magnets become a deus ex machina that quickly gets old. And then, after saving the world once again, everyone gets together to crack open an ice-cold Corona at Dom’s house, celebrating another mindless money-making blockbuster. Let’s all toast to capitalism.

“Spoiled pricks run the world.” – Otto

Why F9 gets a C+:

The action sequences are superb. The storyline is dumb. The fact that the franchise has squeezed nine movies (and counting) out of such a simple, flawed formula is admirable.

---